how big is it?

The next time somebody asks me how big their sandwich will be I’m going to say ‘big enough to fill your mom’s loose fucking vagina so pretty fucking big

june 26 

My bf is like the woman in our relationship sometimes. He’ll say I need you to paint the inside of that cabinet blue otherwise it’ll look weird. And I’ll think fuck it it’s just a cabinet nobody will ever see the inside of that shit. But then I just paint it anyway. I like being in love with somebody like that

sunday june wp

One time I catered this event with my bf and all the guys there were like guys i’d see in a stripclub. & their conversations were just as boring as the ones white trash people have, they were just about property values and the federal government. Everyone’s life is just as empty as the next. After the event we drank a bottle of pinot gris in a prop plane field with our landlord and watched the sunset. He’s a complicated man. We got some really good news and I acted like a fool. The field was still bathed in sunlight when we leftbut the prop plane fliers were locking the gate behind them so we had to go. I only want to be friends with old people